Chapter 441
Chapter 0441
Eli became more insistent that he know where I was at all times after that. When we are together, he is affectionate and loving. We have always been physical in our relationship, but it was different now. It was as if he were desperate to let me know how much he needs me and loves me. He’s terrified that he’s going to lose me.
I understand why he’s feeling that way. I’m the key, the central point in the power source of the Guardians. Cara and Angel can pull from me, but without the strength of my mind link, they can’t go further than that. I can tap into the power of not only my sisters and their mates, but also every member of all three of our packs. I haven’t been vocal about that. I don’t want to scare anyone, but when I connect with them, it’s almost like candles getting lit in my mind. As each person in their pack connects to the link, the candles light and I can see them in my mind. It’s strange and it’s overwhelming. It also means that I can hear them. Between the three packs we have close to
1500 wolves. That’s a lot of voices in your head at one time. It’s why I’m so exhausted after
training.
So, without me, they are strong and powerful, but only individually. With me, our strength pools
together we become invincible. It’s why I’m not as concerned about the hunters as Eli is. I know that we can defeat them. I know there will be casualties and that makes me angry. These hunters coming to take away our lives, our happiness. And for what? Because we are different than they are? Because we intimidate them with our strength and heightened senses. They fear us, so they
must destroy us?
It makes me angrier because we are having a baby boom in our pack right now. With so many recently mated couples, it’s not surprising. Amber and Carlos are expecting their baby boy in the less than a month. I think they probably got pregnant at the tournament just like Angel. She and Liam are expecting their little girl in the next month as well.
Sirona told me a couple weeks ago that she and Noah are expecting. She’s very excited and she and Amber love to talk about their pregnancies and baby planning every time they are together.
I’m happy for them, truly I am. But, it hasn’t happened for me and Eli. It’s not for our lack of trying. Eli has been more than happy to practice baby making any and every time I want. I’ve talked to Sirona about it and she says that between all the stress that we’ve been under, the changes in our pack, getting off my birth control, and Guardian training, that it’s not surprising it hasn’t happened. She’s told me to be patient and let it happen, but it’s hard. It feels like every day someone new is telling me that they are having a baby. And every day, I’m still not pregnant.
Just yesterday, Tula told me she and Thomas are expecting. That is only a week after Lelani and Lolana told me they are both expecting.
#15 BONOS
It’s like everywhere I look, the pack is in baby mode. Cammy and Melinda have the kitchen staff making baby food. Jeremy is busy making bassinets, cradles and toddler beds. Anna and her staff are making baby clothes as fast as they can for not just our pack, but the other two as well.
I know Eli can feel my sadness at our inability to conceive. I know he wants a child as much as I do. But I think it’s different as a woman. It feels like my body isn’t doing what it was made to do. Something that seems so easy for everyone else, is beginning to seem impossible for me. Everyone tells me I’m young, and I have plenty of time. And that’s true. But I’m an Alpha female. What does it say about me that everyone in my pack, including the sprites, are pregnant and having babies, but their Alpha and Luna can’t conceive.
And while I know that Eli is nothing like my father, and he has assured me that he will love me no matter what, somewhere deep in my mind, I fear that he will reject me if I can’t have a child. That fear is what keeps me awake at night. The fear that it doesn’t matter how strong I am, doesn’t matter than I’m an Alpha female and a Guardian, if I can’t have a child, would that be enough for
him to leave me?
So, while I lay awake at night, and try my best to cover my growing fear and sadness from my mate, I smile every day, making appropriate sounds of excitement to mother’s announcing their pregnancy. I make cooing sounds when I hold new babies, secretly sniffing their baby scent and feeling my heart ache to hold my own child.
+15 BONDS
Chapter 0442
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