CHAPTER 37
AT THE KHAMBULE RESIDENCE

Senzeni and Khabonina decided to bring in a
psychologist to help Thulisile accept that
Jimmy has passed on and he is not coming
back to her. They couldn’t sit back and watch
her sink deeper and deeper into the darkness.
It hurts Senzeni to see her mother like this,
she’s the only parent she’s left with, she can’t
lose her too. It would be the hardest loss
because her mother would still be alive but
not really because Thulisile would be
consumed by living as if her husband is
coming back. That’s basically in a world of her
own.
This has been the hardest couple of weeks for
Senzeni. Her whole world changed within a
blink of an eye. Her father wanted to bring
another woman into their family and that
caused a huge rift between all of them. Her
sister is in prison, awaiting trial because she
beat up the woman their father wanted to
make his second wife. And now they are
dealing with the hardest of it all, loosing
Jimmy.
Senzeni is hurting to her soul, her father died
when they were not on good terms. She can’t
even remember the last thing she said to him.
This experience has taught her something
important, that is to never hold grudges
against loved ones because they could die at
any minute. What her father did to their
mother was extremely painful, a huge
betreyal but now she wishes she had taken
time out to find out why her father wanted a
second wife. Maybe she could have
understood and avoided taking sides. Another
lesson she learned is to never allow yourself
to be caught in the middle of two people you
love and end up having to pick a side.
Thulisile is sitting on the bed, next to her is
Senzeni. Khabo and the psychologist are on
the chairs facing mother and daughter. All
eyes are on Thuli and hers are on her
husband’s obituary. Tears are streaming down
her face, it’s finally sinking in, Jimmy left her.
She drops the obituary and wipes her tears
with the back of her hands before taking a
deep breath.
“Thank you for coming,” Thulisile says, looking
at the psychologist. The lady nods with a
smile. She really helped with getting through
to her, she knew how to break it down to her
and help her digest it within a few minutes.
“Uhm, Senzeni,” That’s Thuli, her voice is
hoarse. She has been crying since the day they
broke the news of Jimmy’s passing. No, she
wasn’t crying because of that, she didn’t
believe that her husband is dead. She was
crying because they were refusing to give her
her passport to go see Jimmy in the USA and
support him as he fights the cancer.
Remember, denial is a stage of grief.
“Yes, mommy?” Senzeni answers.
“I need to Uhm… I need to see his grave,” she
says and everyone heaves a sigh of relief. She
wants to go see her husband’s final resting
place, they don’t have to convince her to go.
Bringing in the psychologist was a good idea.
“We will take you tomorrow morning sisi,”
Khabonina says.
“No, I need to go today,” Thulisile quickly says.
“Okay, okay. We can go,” Senzeni agrees.
Thulisile gets up from the bed and disappears
in the walk in closet. She notices that most
of Jimmy’s clothes aren’t hanging on his side.
She’s hurt by this but she understands that
tradition requires them to give the clothes
out to relatives the day after the funeral.
Thulisile also understands that she has to be
dressed in black clothes for at least a year, to
show that she’s mourning her husband, the
father of her children.
She takes off her pyjamas and puts on a long
dress and wraps her head with a scarf.
“We can go,” Thuli says, walking out of the
closet. It’s only Senzeni in the bedroom, her
aunt walked the psychologist out.
Senzeni jumps off the bed and takes her
mother’s hand.
“Did Sihle come to bury your father?” Thulisile
asks and her daughter heaves a heavy sigh.
“No mama. She was not allowed,” Senzeni
explains and that hurts Thuli’s heart. This is
all a mess, how did they get here as a family?
They get outside and Khabo is already waiting
in the driveway, next to Senzeni’s car. They all
climb in and head to the cemetery, Thulisile
asks them to stop at the shopping center, she
wants to buy flowers at Woolworths. It will
take them a while to find a funeral wreath,
she will make calls and buy a couple then
take them when she goes to talk to her
husband alone. Today she just wants to see
his final resting place, it will help her believe
100 percent what they have been saying to
her.

MASWABI MOLETSANE

I haven’t been sleeping well for a couple of
days; All I do is think of everything Naledi said
to me and it hits my heart every time. Being
compared to those people made my whole
body go cold, but I cannot blame my daughter
for feeling that way. I now realize the damage
I’ve done to Naledi and our relationship, and
truth be told a part of me hates myself for
hurting my daughter throughout the years. I
didn’t abandon her but I did far worse, I made
Naledi wish that she was abandoned by me. I
now understand why she once said Dzunisani
was her mother and not me.
The hate I have been carrying in my heart for
my parents and my need to be perfect with
everything has cost me my family. I regret
every harsh word, every decision I forced on
Naledi and the lack of affection towards her. I
wish I did a lot of things differently but
there’s no use crying over spilt milk. All I can
do now is try and show her how very sorry I
am and become the mother she deserves. It’s
not going to be easy but I’m willing to try, I’m
willing to change in order to have my baby
back in my life, on good terms.
This is one of the hardest decisions I have
ever had to make, but I know it’s the right
thing to do. Letting go is the first step in the
right direction; I am doing this to free myself
and most importantly to help Mohale’s
daughter get her life back. They all don’t
deserve the pain and confusion they have
been living with for five years.
I take a deep breath and punch in the number
Mohale gave me before he left. The line is
trilling and my heart is drumming against my
chest, I’m nervous as hell.
“Moletsane,” He answers and I swallow hard.
“He-hello,” I stutter and mentally slap myself
afterwards.
“Yes, hello,” did I catch him at a bad time?
He doesn’t sound well.
“Mohale, this is Maswabi speaking. The
woman from Johannesburg, your sis…”
He quickly interjects, “My sister. It’s nice to
hear from you. How have you been?” he
sounds somewhat excited and that makes me
relax a little.
“I have been good, how are you?” I answer.
He heaves a sigh, “By God’s grace we are still
standing,” his tone has changed. He sounds
defeated and I think I might have an idea
why.
“And your daughter, how has she been?”
I feel a little guilty asking about her after I
refused helping them when he was here.
“It’s been difficult, she’s admitted as we
speak. Her seizures have gotten worse,”
Mohale says and I close my eyes.
God, I am this girl’s only hope.
“What’s her name?” I ask.
“Her name is Poloko,” he sounds proud.
I’m sure there’s a wide smile plastered across
his face right now.
“That’s a beautiful name,”
“Thank you Ousi,” there’s some awkward
silence for a few seconds.
“I’m sorry, Mohale. I’m sorry that your child
had to suffer because of what was done to
me. I’m sorry that I refused to help her by
forgiving your parents,” I mean it.
“Thank you, Maswabi. I want you to
understand that I will never hold it against
you,” he is such a good person. Most people
wouldn’t even want to talk to me after I
refused saving their child from the pain they
are constantly feeling.
“I would hold it against myself. I wouldn’t
know how to look at myself in the mirror and
like what I see if something had to happen to
your daughter,” I take a sip of my water, “Can
you please send me your location. I’d like to
drive down there today to help you with the
preparations of the rituals we have to
perform,” I say and he gasps in shock.
“You mean?” he asks with a shaking voice.
“Yes, I will forgive them. I don’t want to carry
this pain and hatred in my heart anymore. I
want to be free and harbour nothing but
peace, love and happiness in my heart. I’m
doing this for myself, for my family and
yours,” Mohale sniffs and I know he’s crying
silently. This must be such a huge relief for
him.
“Thank you so much, Maswabi. You don’t
know how much this means to me, how much
it will mean to Poloko,” I wipe my own tears
and gulp down my saliva.
“This is my number, please forward me the
location. I’ll be in Bethlehem by tonight. I’ll
book into a hotel or something and come to
your house tomorrow morning,” I say.
“What? No! My sister will not be sleeping in
any hotel, I have plenty room at my house,”
he says and I chuckle.
“Okay, my driver will be the one sleeping at
the hotel then,” I say with a smile on my face.
“Absolutely not, like I said, there’s plenty
room. He will use one of the rooms here also.
There’s no need to spend money
unnecessarily,” my big brother has spoken
then.
“Okay then, I’ll see you later,” we say our
goodbyes and hang up.
It’s Wednesday today, that means I won’t be
coming to the office for 2 days. I will leave
important files with my secretary and ask her
to call me with emergencies only. I don’t
want anything to disturb me while I’m in
Bathlehem, I want to give this trip all my
attention. Everything has to go smoothly, for
everyone’s sake. I want to come back to
Johannesburg feeling brand new.
I call my driver and he picks up after the
second ring. I tell him to go home and pack a
bag because we are leaving for Free State
after work and coming back on Sunday. He
tells me he will rush there and be back before
my knockoff time.
He knows to expect unplanned trips, it’s part
of his job description.